Thursday, August 24, 2006

This Is It.

Ladies and Gents,

This is it. The one for all the marbles.

The end of the L.G.S.

What is the final challenge...

To pick some thing out of a hat...

You have to be kidding me. Maybe I will fight a dragon or something cool.

Ok. I place my hand in the hat.

I get...




What the Heck. I have to go on the Dr.Phil show.

"Jon". I scream at the top of my lungs.

I turn and see Hudson hand Jon a ten spot. Jon, is laughing his head off.

I sigh and shake my head. The Show will be done on Hacknor. It will happen tomorrow.

Dr.P. : " Now welcome our guest for today. Last Gladiator Standing finalist, Henchman."

* Lights going on for the Audience to boo*


Dr.Phil smiles off camera. Then says." Now, now. Let's give this unfortunate young man a chance, here."

H.M. : "Thanks."

I am going to kill you, Jon. Kill you dead.

D.P. : " Come here son, and explain yourself."

H.M. : "Excuse me."

D.P. : " All this bad behavior, Did Daddy not love you. Or a you just a bad seed."

I look around shocked. This guy doesn't know me, but he's gunning for it.

D.P. : "Answer the question."

H.M. : " Just who the hell do you think you are? " I ask with my temper rising.

D.P. : "Why all the anger. I am going straightin' you out boy."

D.P. : "Right after this break."

I start to shake.

D.P. : " Ok, we are back."

D.P. : "Henchy, you need to take control of your life. Stop blaming other for problems and get you act together."

* Lights goes on for applause .*

I lose it.

I grab the "Quack" by his neck.

H.M. : "Listen you goofy little bastard, I will not let you tear me down for ratings."

H.M. : "Am I a bad guy? Yes. Do I want your help ? No."

Dr. Phil start gurling.

H.M. : "Do I have issues ? Yes. But, I have friends to talk to, that want to help me in my life."

H.M. : "If I have problem, I will go to them. I will not be yelled at by a balding moron."

I toss "Dr.Phil" into a trash can. The Crowd goes bonkers and carries me on the their shoulders. Cheering.

Dental for all.

Dr.Polaris rules.


Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Ohh, messing with Dr, Phil. You've got to be careful with that. His Guadian Angel is Oprah. You do not want to mess with her.

Thursday, August 24, 2006 2:13:00 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

Just remember, in a parallel universe somewhere, Dr. Phil is the only thing standing between us and TOTAL DESTRUCTION.

Thursday, August 24, 2006 3:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Dr. Phil said...

You can't just throw me in a trash can like that, that dog won't hunt.

You need to see that your anger is your problem. If you don't that wagon won't fly.

You'll never be able to outrun the three-legged mule in the potatosack race and never pet a burning dog.

Thursday, August 24, 2006 3:39:00 PM  
Blogger Jaina Solo said...

In a parallel universe somewhere else Dr. Phil doesn't exist. It's a much happier parrallel universe.

Thursday, August 24, 2006 4:12:00 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Nicely done. It's takes both skill and dexterity to heft a man of that girth into a trash can, but you did it with ease and panache. Excellent job, I think you may have a bright future in the host hurling field ahead of you.


Thursday, August 24, 2006 7:34:00 PM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

Dr. Phil is my hero. He got you to give in to your anger in less than 5 minutes. I think it took Palpatine years to get Vader to turn....impressive.

Thursday, August 24, 2006 7:55:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Yes the Evil Darthor Phil and his Sith master Darth Oprah. That evil duo know no bounds of decency. One is always raising up the Hoi-poi only to destroy then with the laser beams that come out of her eyes. The other acts like your friend, but really hate you and his master.

True evilness. *shudders*

Friday, August 25, 2006 12:31:00 AM  
Blogger Vegeta said...

Quiet Dr Phil ! Galick Gun! Got him Mwhahahahahahahahhaahahaha! Oops uh good work Henchman

Friday, August 25, 2006 1:46:00 AM  
Blogger Florence said... about those high chairs Dr Phil gets people to sit in, very intimidating.

Saturday, August 26, 2006 5:35:00 AM  

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