AOC: Hover Bike Race
I race off. Having studies Jon’s fiendish mud man mind, I am sure what I will find on Coral Reef of Madness. As I approach the first turn I hear a sound coming over the waves and I see them.
Father wears his Sunday best
Mother's tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sister's sighing in her sleepBrother's got a date to keep
He can't hang around
Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our
But with out missing a beat I belt out,
Back in black,
I hit the sackI been too long, I'm glad to be back
Yes I'm, let loose from the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I keep looking at the sky cause it's gettin' me high
Before I even reach the refrain, they scatter to the wind, cuz the Rockers always scared the Mods.
I pick up speed as I see the next obstacle in the Lagoon of Danger with massive fields behind it. Oh My Goodness it's the Danger Fields.
“I tell you I don’t get no respect. I’m so bad in bed…” the monster yells out.
I call back “I fantasize I’m someone else.”
The monster acts like it is straitening its tie and waves me on.
On to the Gulf of Gorgons. At first I think I am home free because there is nothing to be seen. But then rising out of the water is a She-Gorgon.
She raises her snake hair and tries to gaze at me.
I am prepared. I happen to have a small bottle of Fred’s hair gel, which I quickly squirt on to her head. I then run my finger thought her snake hair and give her a quick super new doo.
“You look great” I yell as I race off. She put her hand to her ear and mouths the words ‘Call Me”
I charge onto Fire Island V. The cliff and canyons are nothing compared to Beggar’s Canyon on Tatooine. I blaze though so fast I pass someone, but cannot tell who. This is easy.
As I approach the Deadly Water Slide of Fun I am attacked by EWOKS!!!
Of all the sick puppy thing that dirt man could have come up with!!! Grrrr. I mean come on, what in the heck do Ewoks have to do with waterslides???? I am forced to dodge rock, crude spears, bad level of cuteness. Twice I am knock off the Hover Bike and only get back on just in time, before those little monster try to eat me. I manage to get down the rest of the slide intact and gun the engine.
I hope crash right thought the Old Gladiators home. I have a special weapon in case I am cornered.
Three of them spot me. The first one jumps out at me “You never come to visit!”
Then another “You don’t know what tough is!, When I was a fighting if you lost an arm you just kept on fighting. No whining OH I LOST MY ARM, like you crybabies today”
I could see that I would soon be overwhelmed by boring stories and weak guilt trips, so I threw the special weapon across the room.
A great cry and hue when up. “It’s a Gunsmoke video”, ‘I got Barnaby Jones”, “Look, it’s Golden Girls. I’ll be sweating to the oldies tonight”
I blast out the door and head off to the Lava Pools En Fuego. After battling Kenobi on Mustafar, this seems like a piece of cake. Once I get past the Lava Pools I realize, I never fought Kenobi on Mustafar. Oh well, I made it though somehow.
As I approach the Haunted Observatory of Myster, I am greeted by a bored looking teen-ager. In a drool droning voice he says “Welcome to the Haunted Observatory of Mystery. The Scariest Place on Hacknor(tm). The Haunted Observatory of Mystery is so scary you must wear a blindfold.”
I put on a blindfold. The kid’s voice drones on. “I am now placing your hand in a bowl of eyeballs. Ohhh scary eyeballs”
I smell grapes.
“Next” the guide says with boredom “I am now sticking you hand in a bowl of squishy worm. Ewww creepy worms”
I smell pasta.
“Now you have felt the terror of the Haunted Observatory of Mystery. Have a spooktacular day” He pulls my blindfold off and shoves me out the back door.
I jump on the Hover Bike and ride with all the speed I can muster. As I zoom into the landing pad, I see Fred out of corner of my eye. He has a wiffle ball pitching machine. He must have set it to high, because I am hit by hundreds of wiffle ball. Fred runs off with a yell back to me, “Hey, where your bat clone boy!”
I am knocked off the bike just after I get to the landing pad. The Hover Bike shoot towards the judging booth while I tumble down to the end of the landing pad, coming to a stop at Hudson’s feet.
“Game Over, man, Game Over.”
I am getting really tired of his catch phrase. I don't even know what place I came in. Hope the judges are ok. Was that an explosion I heard or just my head bouncing around my helmet?