AOC: Hover Bike Race

This should be easy, these Hover Bike look a lot like a B.A.R.C speeder. I run and leap onto the bike in one smooth motion. OUFFFFFF! Seats are a little harder that what I’m used to. It Ok. I’m sure they'll drop back down.

I race off. Having studies Jon’s fiendish mud man mind, I am sure what I will find on Coral Reef of Madness. As I approach the first turn I hear a sound coming over the waves and I see them.

Father wears his Sunday best
Mother's tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sister's sighing in her sleepBrother's got a date to keep
He can't hang around

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our

But with out missing a beat I belt out,

Back in black,
I hit the sackI been too long, I'm glad to be back
Yes I'm, let loose from the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I keep looking at the sky cause it's gettin' me high

Before I even reach the refrain, they scatter to the wind, cuz the Rockers always scared the Mods.

I pick up speed as I see the next obstacle in the Lagoon of Danger with massive fields behind it. Oh My Goodness it's the Danger Fields.

“I tell you I don’t get no respect. I’m so bad in bed…” the monster yells out.

I call back “I fantasize I’m someone else.”
The monster acts like it is straitening its tie and waves me on.

On to the Gulf of Gorgons. At first I think I am home free because there is nothing to be seen. But then rising out of the water is a She-Gorgon.
She raises her snake hair and tries to gaze at me.

I am prepared. I happen to have a small bottle of Fred’s hair gel, which I quickly squirt on to her head. I then run my finger thought her snake hair and give her a quick super new doo.

“You look great” I yell as I race off. She put her hand to her ear and mouths the words ‘Call Me”

I charge onto Fire Island V. The cliff and canyons are nothing compared to Beggar’s Canyon on Tatooine. I blaze though so fast I pass someone, but cannot tell who. This is easy.

As I approach the Deadly Water Slide of Fun I am attacked by EWOKS!!!

Of all the sick puppy thing that dirt man could have come up with!!! Grrrr. I mean come on, what in the heck do Ewoks have to do with waterslides???? I am forced to dodge rock, crude spears, bad level of cuteness. Twice I am knock off the Hover Bike and only get back on just in time, before those little monster try to eat me. I manage to get down the rest of the slide intact and gun the engine.

I hope crash right thought the Old Gladiators home. I have a special weapon in case I am cornered.

Three of them spot me. The first one jumps out at me “You never come to visit!”

Then another “You don’t know what tough is!, When I was a fighting if you lost an arm you just kept on fighting. No whining OH I LOST MY ARM, like you crybabies today”

I could see that I would soon be overwhelmed by boring stories and weak guilt trips, so I threw the special weapon across the room.

A great cry and hue when up. “It’s a Gunsmoke video”, ‘I got Barnaby Jones”, “Look, it’s Golden Girls. I’ll be sweating to the oldies tonight”

I blast out the door and head off to the Lava Pools En Fuego. After battling Kenobi on Mustafar, this seems like a piece of cake. Once I get past the Lava Pools I realize, I never fought Kenobi on Mustafar. Oh well, I made it though somehow.

As I approach the Haunted Observatory of Myster, I am greeted by a bored looking teen-ager. In a drool droning voice he says “Welcome to the Haunted Observatory of Mystery. The Scariest Place on Hacknor(tm). The Haunted Observatory of Mystery is so scary you must wear a blindfold.”

I put on a blindfold. The kid’s voice drones on. “I am now placing your hand in a bowl of eyeballs. Ohhh scary eyeballs”

I smell grapes.

“Next” the guide says with boredom “I am now sticking you hand in a bowl of squishy worm. Ewww creepy worms”

I smell pasta.

“Now you have felt the terror of the Haunted Observatory of Mystery. Have a spooktacular day” He pulls my blindfold off and shoves me out the back door.

I jump on the Hover Bike and ride with all the speed I can muster. As I zoom into the landing pad, I see Fred out of corner of my eye. He has a wiffle ball pitching machine. He must have set it to high, because I am hit by hundreds of wiffle ball. Fred runs off with a yell back to me, “Hey, where your bat clone boy!”

I am knocked off the bike just after I get to the landing pad. The Hover Bike shoot towards the judging booth while I tumble down to the end of the landing pad, coming to a stop at Hudson’s feet.

“Game Over, man, Game Over.”

I am getting really tired of his catch phrase. I don't even know what place I came in. Hope the judges are ok. Was that an explosion I heard or just my head bouncing around my helmet?