Tuesday, May 23, 2006

AOC: Hover Bike Race

This should be easy, these Hover Bike look a lot like a B.A.R.C speeder. I run and leap onto the bike in one smooth motion. OUFFFFFF! Seats are a little harder that what I’m used to. It Ok. I’m sure they'll drop back down.

I race off. Having studies Jon’s fiendish mud man mind, I am sure what I will find on Coral Reef of Madness. As I approach the first turn I hear a sound coming over the waves and I see them.

Father wears his Sunday best
Mother's tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sister's sighing in her sleepBrother's got a date to keep
He can't hang around

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our

But with out missing a beat I belt out,

Back in black,
I hit the sackI been too long, I'm glad to be back
Yes I'm, let loose from the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I keep looking at the sky cause it's gettin' me high

Before I even reach the refrain, they scatter to the wind, cuz the Rockers always scared the Mods.

I pick up speed as I see the next obstacle in the Lagoon of Danger with massive fields behind it. Oh My Goodness it's the Danger Fields.

“I tell you I don’t get no respect. I’m so bad in bed…” the monster yells out.

I call back “I fantasize I’m someone else.”

The monster acts like it is straitening its tie and waves me on.

On to the Gulf of Gorgons. At first I think I am home free because there is nothing to be seen. But then rising out of the water is a She-Gorgon.
She raises her snake hair and tries to gaze at me.

I am prepared. I happen to have a small bottle of Fred’s hair gel, which I quickly squirt on to her head. I then run my finger thought her snake hair and give her a quick super new doo.

“You look great” I yell as I race off. She put her hand to her ear and mouths the words ‘Call Me”

I charge onto Fire Island V. The cliff and canyons are nothing compared to Beggar’s Canyon on Tatooine. I blaze though so fast I pass someone, but cannot tell who. This is easy.

As I approach the Deadly Water Slide of Fun I am attacked by EWOKS!!!

Of all the sick puppy thing that dirt man could have come up with!!! Grrrr. I mean come on, what in the heck do Ewoks have to do with waterslides???? I am forced to dodge rock, crude spears, bad level of cuteness. Twice I am knock off the Hover Bike and only get back on just in time, before those little monster try to eat me. I manage to get down the rest of the slide intact and gun the engine.

I hope crash right thought the Old Gladiators home. I have a special weapon in case I am cornered.

Three of them spot me. The first one jumps out at me “You never come to visit!”

Then another “You don’t know what tough is!, When I was a fighting if you lost an arm you just kept on fighting. No whining OH I LOST MY ARM, like you crybabies today”

I could see that I would soon be overwhelmed by boring stories and weak guilt trips, so I threw the special weapon across the room.

A great cry and hue when up. “It’s a Gunsmoke video”, ‘I got Barnaby Jones”, “Look, it’s Golden Girls. I’ll be sweating to the oldies tonight”

I blast out the door and head off to the Lava Pools En Fuego. After battling Kenobi on Mustafar, this seems like a piece of cake. Once I get past the Lava Pools I realize, I never fought Kenobi on Mustafar. Oh well, I made it though somehow.

As I approach the Haunted Observatory of Myster, I am greeted by a bored looking teen-ager. In a drool droning voice he says “Welcome to the Haunted Observatory of Mystery. The Scariest Place on Hacknor(tm). The Haunted Observatory of Mystery is so scary you must wear a blindfold.”

I put on a blindfold. The kid’s voice drones on. “I am now placing your hand in a bowl of eyeballs. Ohhh scary eyeballs”

I smell grapes.

“Next” the guide says with boredom “I am now sticking you hand in a bowl of squishy worm. Ewww creepy worms”

I smell pasta.

“Now you have felt the terror of the Haunted Observatory of Mystery. Have a spooktacular day” He pulls my blindfold off and shoves me out the back door.

I jump on the Hover Bike and ride with all the speed I can muster. As I zoom into the landing pad, I see Fred out of corner of my eye. He has a wiffle ball pitching machine. He must have set it to high, because I am hit by hundreds of wiffle ball. Fred runs off with a yell back to me, “Hey, where your bat clone boy!”

I am knocked off the bike just after I get to the landing pad. The Hover Bike shoot towards the judging booth while I tumble down to the end of the landing pad, coming to a stop at Hudson’s feet.

“Game Over, man, Game Over.”

I am getting really tired of his catch phrase. I don't even know what place I came in. Hope the judges are ok. Was that an explosion I heard or just my head bouncing around my helmet?


Blogger Vegeta said...

Sorry about that I thought I ran over all the Ewoks.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 2:36:00 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Good work on the gorgon. Now she's a hottie!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 6:05:00 AM  
Blogger Fred the Fox said...


I don't have hair gel-- I'm a freakin' fox! Do you know what that does to fur?!?!

And there is no way I would ever yell:
"Hey, where's your bat clone boy"
And where would I get a a wiffle ball pitching machine?

Stop lying!


Tuesday, May 23, 2006 6:26:00 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

You forgot to mention the Ewok's excellent cuisine.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 7:39:00 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Fred, sorry it was called Foxy Hair Gel, it had short red hairs all over it and your fur always looks so great. I guess I may have been wrong about it being yours.


Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:36:00 AM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

And some one slam me on 80's tunes...Dental for all.

Dr.Polaris rules.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 8:41:00 AM  
Blogger Magdalena said...

well done AOC

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 9:14:00 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Good fight there!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger Jaina Solo said...

Go Tak, Go Tak
*does the little dance thing that people do when cheering for someone else*

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 1:54:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

"Danger Fields" - that was great! And way to pause to flirt with the snake-ehad babe. Very heroic. Though slowing down for that is probably what cost you the race. Nice job Vegeta!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 4:26:00 PM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

Way to go Tak.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 5:28:00 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

God Lord, I've seen better driving from blind folded teenagers on their mobile. But if it's going to get the rather tasty Ms. Solo dance like that, keep doing what you're doing.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 7:04:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Simon, the idea of you learing at Jaina is enough to make a Rancor throw up. The age diffrence is just to Laturno. I've seen 100% cotton shirts just out of the dryer with less wrinkles that you. Let me be the first to say 'Ewwwwwww'.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006 1:55:00 AM  

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