Picard To The Finish Line

I logged in 'hoverbike' on EBay, and noticed that a Mr Hiram K Hackenbacker was giving them away free from Tracey Island, no strings attached.

Quickly I put in my request, and in a couple of days, a large box of parts arrived, together with a picture of what the completed model should look like.




I put the batteries in, and I was ready to go; with map in hand the right way up, I was ready to head for the finish line.

The Coral Reef of Madness was my next stop; with this knowledge, I had my anti-electrical vest on underneath in case something befell me there.

When I arrived I saw a large giant building with a strange image on the side.


This looked all very sinister. I went to the entrance, where an officious man stood outside. I walked past him. A badge said his name was Eric.

"Oi!" he said sharply, "Yer've got ter pay yer money or or yer don't go in!"

I quickly paid and went in.

There, I saw giant tanks with all manner of weird sea creatures. On the wall, it said 'Sea Life Centre'

I approached the one marked 'Piranha'



It seemed a rather cute fish, but had changed my mind about putting my finger in the tank and swirling it around. Instead, I tapped the glass of the tank it was in to liven him up a little.

Right at that point, a heavy clipboard crashed on me and I collapsed to the floor. It was Eric.

"Can't yer read the signs?" he shouted at me, "It says ' do not tap glass'. now get out!"

I staggered out and managed to find the hoverbike; now what was next on this map?

Oh yes, Fire Island; a good job I have my extinguisher strapped to the hoverbike, and that my vest is flameproof as well.

When approaching, flames were shooting up in the air, and a very loud sound could be heard at decibel breaking level. Time for the cotton wool!

I saw a figure in the distance shouting out...

Fire, I'll take you to burn.
Fire, I'll take you to learn



The danger here was clearly to the eardrums, so I kept putting in as much as I could until I could get out of range and towards the Lagoon of Danger.

I knew there would be trouble here; it's a good job that my vest is extra strong.

When I got to the Lagoon of Danger, I could see that the monster was claearly highly intelligent. Judging by the size of it's brain, he would be on 'Jeopardy' for quite a few weeks.



It came towards me with a menacing walk; I wonder if it has ever own spectacles? They would look pretty huge?

As it picked me up to toss me aside, I could hear a tear. Had my Starfleet uniform been torn, just like Captain Kirk's always had? No, it was the uniform the monster wore!

"Sorry, mate!" it said in an apologetic voice, "Jon just employed me for special effects. I was supposed to bring some danger to it all. I'll have to get sewing before the next contestant arrives. You can go, now."

I got on the hoverbike and sped to the next location.

The Gulf of Gorgans was bathed in darkness. The canyons and cliffs seemed to ne easy enough, except for the opening entrance, A lone figure bathed in black wwas blocking my way. I stopped where she was.

"And what do YOU want?" she asked rudely.



"To go through the Gulf of Gorgons." I said timidly.

"They ALL want to do that" she replied, "Are you French? Never liked the French. now if you fail to answer the question, you'll have to take the Walk of Shame and crash into the cliffs."

I was ready.

"What happened on 5th April 2063?"

"Zephram Cochrane became the first human to use warp drive."

She looked glum. "You may go on."

I was back on my hoverbike and away. Now I was ready to negotiate the Deadly Water Slide o' Fun.

When arriving, I stripped to my micro swimshorts and saw what was before me.



No doubt about it, this was going to be tough. As minions poured their water from the sides, I negotiated to the top and was ready to slide down. I let myself go...

"YAY!!!!!" I exclaimed, and slid down, crashing into a depth of water. The minions kept pushing me down, but I struggled free, knocked them unconsious.

My uniform was back on and I was away to the Old Gladiator's Home.

There wasn't too much to do now.

At the home, I found this large square in the middle of a field; the base was canvas and three ropes ran all the way round. I took a look in and suddenly heard a sound.

"Yo! Jean-Luc!"



I remember watching him in Rocky XXXVI in the Enterprise cinema recently.

"On with the gloves!" he said. His nurses helped him in, and they acted as our seconds. The wire was removed from his pacemaker, and he got out of his bathchair.

I touched him briefly with a glove before he collapsed. His nurses rushed quickly. The pacemaker was checked again. I thought was best to depart quickly.

I went around the lava pools with ease and arrived at the Haunted Observatory. Here I did not stay too long, as the spectres had been tracking the Enterprise and were pursuing me for my autograph.

Now I was on the way to the landing strip; the batteries on my hoverbike were starting to run out, but made it before anyone else.

Perhaps I should have charged the batteries with the electric eels?