Friday, June 30, 2006

Erifia without the I-a and reversed is Fire...Tour guide

I stepped onto the bus. How painful was this going to be?

“Hello, my name is Erifia Apoc… And this is Hacknor, home of the thousands of Fire Isles… Did you know my name has roots in Fire? Take off the i-a and flip it, and I’m fire.”

The tourists laughed a bit. Did they have no sense of humor that was the worst joke ever.

“I know, I know… So Driver, if you would, take us away…”

The Driver took off, and began to fly slowly around.

“If you’ll use your underneath and over top viewing screens, underneath us, you’ll see the Sea of Cheep Cheeps. During a race on Last Gladiator Standing, I was nearly eaten by them… They’d have gotten me to…but…”

They saw them…

“Hey Erifia!” I heard coming from…

“This tour is great… Its really amazing… For me to poop on!”

“Please, no hassling me…I am a Jedi.”

He sat down in the chair, and watched me impatiently.

“Next on Fire Island Omega there is something called the Lagoon of Danger, and in it is a Kraken, if you look down you may be able to see it…”

They did, and they didn’t see it… He wasn’t coming out.

“I’m sorry folks, after I kicked his…”

“As you were saying about the Kraken Erifia? He’s a real scary beast… For me to poop on!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you, maybe you should speak a bit louder next time…” I told him, “Now my friends, next is the dreaded Gulf of Gorgons… Now, you’ll see a horrible thing in there, but don’t look her in the eyes, or else she’ll kill you…”

The whole tour bus shivered and averted their eyes.

“I know, I know, she is scary, isn’t she?”

“Hey Erifia,” the little dog thing yelled, “You look like her… and I would…”

“Enough, shut up!” I yelled at him, “Sorry for losing my cool, To countinue…”

We went past the slide, “This is the slide of doom, its rather fun, actually… At the bottom I met Garth and Hub… At the Old Gladiators Home. They are tough as nails, and don’t be surprised if they start shooting.”

As we flew over them, they fired a volley of shots up at the tour bus…

“See isn’t that fun?” I asked, “I happen to enjoy it… Now, we are avoiding the haunted observatory which is over to your right, if you look closely you can see most of the ghosts, all trying to get at you, and kill you… Thus the reason why we are avoiding it… Being ghosts and all, they are pretty much a dead crowd anyway…”

Everyone laughed except the stupid dog, “Hey Erifia!” I threw a camera at him, and knocked him out.

“Now, on our right you’ll see the Intergalatic Entertainment Building…”

“Yes, I know… These Gladiators don’t have the sophistication that we Jedi do. It could be worse… Their amphitheater could be made of ancient stones…”

We flew to the next island in the space between the dog woke up.

“Ancient Bones, Did you say Ancient Bones?”

“No I said Ancient Stones, and look, here it is, made of ancient stones…”

I sighed, “I’m sure it was very nice, a thousand years ago,” I smiled.

The tour bus laughed.

“Now, next on our tour is Camp Intergalatic Gladiator… Now… Some of the images you are about to disturb you…”

“Don’t worry about him… He’ll be okay… I hope…”

“Speaking of Disturbing…” The dog said, “Your face is the most disturbing thing I could ever see, for me to poop on!”

I grabbed him by his little neck, and I opened the door and sent him pummeling 5,000 feet below…

“Now your crushed body will be something for me to…spit on!” I yelled at it.

The tour bus laughed…

“Thank you for riding Tours Erifia, I hope you enjoyed your ride,” We arrived back at the platform, and I sighed so heavily I nearly fainted.

If you’ll excuse me, I need some Klingon Blood Wine, lots of Klingon Blood Wine,

Hugs and *hiccup* Kisses,
Erifia Apoc


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

I hope I can share that bloodwine.

Friday, June 30, 2006 11:08:00 AM  
Blogger Randy said...

Yo dog, that was off the hook. The way you thre that dog out of the bus shows me you're ready to take the next step.

Congratulations, you're going to Hollywooooooooood!

(er, as in Hollywood, Maryland.

Friday, June 30, 2006 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Randy, that was a great review ... for me to poop on.

Friday, June 30, 2006 3:23:00 PM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

*Rotflmaobiisdficfmlam.* at Tak

Sure. Meet me in my room.

Friday, June 30, 2006 5:27:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

I had no idea we had so many interesting sights on Hacknor. I really have to get out more.

Friday, June 30, 2006 7:55:00 PM  

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