Friday, June 30, 2006

Welcome all Guests, I am tour guide Barbie Maggie

As I watched the bus come down I thought, "Tour Guide, okay this I can do… When I was studying in Germany I had to give tour guides of the Cathedrals."

Squawk box screeched, "Good Mourning, Welcome to Hacknor, My name is Maggie. I am one of the contestants of the Last Gladiator Standing and I will be your Tour Guide for today. So where is everyone from?"

I got random places screamed at me




Squawker box squelches again, "Well we have people from everywhere… Do we have anyone from Earth here today?"

A man raises his hand

I pointed," Yes sir where on Earth you are from?"

He looked puzzle at me at first….

The man with his family stood, "Wie bitte?"

I smiled, "Auch-So, Sie kommen aus Deutchland. Sprechen Sie Englisch? "

Oh great I hope he is the only non-english speaker

He looked down at his Daughter, "ein bischen."

I smiled again, "Kien Problem. Now is there anyone else that doesn't speak Earth-.English very well?"

Whew I thought as I saw heads shake, I only have to do this tour in two Language that is good.

I spoke into the Squawker box again, "Very well Ladies and Gentlemen shall we proceed? Miene Damen und Herren , Sollte gehen Wir?"

The bus started…

I continued, "Hacknor has several Volcanoes. Hacknor hast viele Vulkane. During the second Challenge in Last Gladiator, we had to race to varies obstacles along a chain of Islands. Während die zweite Herausforderung, haben Wir einen Rennen durch viele Isel gehabt."

I stood, "If you will look to your right you will see The Coral Reef of Madness, Don't let its beauty fool you, there is many dangers here in this reef. Am seine rechte seite, Sehen Sie die 'Coral Reef of Madness'. Nicht sind Sie getäuscht. Hier ist vielen Gefahren. For example a giant squid, anyone want to get rid of a kid? Zum beispiele, einen Großen Kalmar. Möchten Sie eines kind weg gehen?"

The crowd and I laughed as many kids moved to the left side of the bus

Drums began playing in the distance…

"Now continuing on your right is the Lagoon of Danger. Jetzt, am den rechte seite, der 'Lagoon of Danger,' " I said "The Natives sounds like they hare having a party, Anyone want to loose their heads? Hören Sie, die Eingeborene ist ein Party haben. Möchten Sie dein Kopf weg gehen?"

A few more chuckles as loads of people took pictures.

I smiled, "While we pass through the sea of gorgons, Does anyone have a question? Während gehen Wir durch die 'Sea of Gorgons', Fragen Sie für mich?"

Everyone spoke amongst themselves then the German man's wife raised her hand…

"Bitte," I said

"als diese Herausforderung haben Sie gehabt, haben Sie Spaß?" She asked

I looked into the crowd, "The Question is: Did I have fun doing this Challenge. The answer is yes, more than the others. Ja, mehr dann die anderen"

I rose and pointed to our left, "Here is one of the Volcanoes, Fire Island has two Volcanoes, Any husbands want to sacrifice their wives? Hier ist die Vulkane, Fire Island ist ein Insel mit zwei Vulkane. möchten ein Ehemann seine Frau weg gehen?"

As we came up to the water slide I could hear the kids getting excited…

The squawker box snapped heads back to my direction, "Ladies and Gentlemen and young children, We now approach the Deadly water slide of Fun, Built by a famous Gladiator, it isn't the oldest but one of the wondrous treasures on the island. We will be taking a break here and welcome you to visit the Old Gladiators home. The Old Gladiators have dressed up and are looking forward to entertaining you… The Tour will resume in 30 minutes until then I will be available in front of the bus to answer any and all questions you may have about Last Gladiator Standing… Meine Damen und Herren, liebe Kinder, Jetzt, sehen Sie die Deadly Water Slide of Fun. Es entworfen bei ein berühmt Gladiator zwar ist nicht die älteste aber ist es eine besonderes Denkmal am den Insel hier. Wir machen ein kleinen Pause. Sie sind willkommen zu sucht die Alteheim. Die alte Gladiatoren zogen besondere Kleidung an. Das Tour beginnt zum noch 30 minuten bis dann bin Ich hier mit dem Bus und kann Ich antwort alles Ihren Fragen über Der 'Last Gladiator Standing…'."

I watched as everyone off loaded… Some walked up and asked me questions about myself but the two questions that shocked me was when two guests asked me what Fluke was like.

The second question was when someone asked me if it was true I dated Hudson…

"never…" I said firmly

"But in his new book… The H-Man and the women who loved him. When he lists different hearts he has broken of lovers he has had, he lists you." The woman said as she showed me the book..

"Multiply that list by 0 and you have how many woman were Hudson's lover." I said as I went to get me a drink…

Once the Bus loaded I began the tour, "Welcome back, Willkommen zuruck. Our Next stop is Fire Island 12, The Lava Pools are the oldest natural formation here. Parents you might want to grab hold of your kids because we are now passing the Haunted Observatory. Unser nächste Halten ist Fire Island 12. Der Lava Bad sind der älteste natürliche Anordnung am Hacknor. Eltern holten Ihren kinder weil gehen wir nach der Haunted Observatory."

The kids all screamed when the bus lights flickered….

"We come now to the end of the Tour, On the Main Island you will be able to meet Colonial Marines…. "

The woman who had asked me the question before swooned, "Like Private Hudson..:"

"Yes, Also you can see Stargate Lab, Memorials and LGS barracks. There are fine beaches and loads of fun… Please visit the souvenir shops and Kids don't forget to sign up as an official Jr. Intergalactic Gladiator… The next Tour will be conducted by another contestant from LSG. I am not sure what they have plan so feel free to return for another Tour….. Jetzt, Kommen wir von Tour zu die ende. Am den Insel suchen Sie der Colonial Marines . Die Frau fragst, "als Private Hudson.. Die antwort ist Ja. Sie kann der Stargate Lab, Denkmal und LGS Schlafzimmer sehen. Hacknor hast nette Strände. Bitte suchten Sie der Andenken Laden und liebe Kinder nicht vergessen Sie zu unterzeichnen Sie oben official Jr. Intergalactic Gladiator… Das nächste Tour geben bei eine andere. I weiß nicht ihren Plan ist, zwar kommen Sie noch mal."

I smiled as everyone left, "Goodbye, enjoy your stay… Auf Wiedersehen, schön Tag"

As I was leaving I saw the next group getting ready for the next Tour....

"Psst Maggie, is there food on these Tours?"


Blogger Randy said...

Outstanding. Outstanding. Yo dog, that was great.

Congratulations, you're going to Hollywoooooooooood!

(As in Planet Hollywood - Hacknor. Sure it's been closed for 5 years, but there's still a freezer full of the Cap'n Crunch chicken wings and they are deeee-licious!

Friday, June 30, 2006 2:47:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

This is why you should always travel with a protocol droid. They can speak like 6 million languages including c+ basic.

Friday, June 30, 2006 3:31:00 PM  
Blogger Son Goku said...

Oh boy me and a foogv ers this is going to well

Friday, June 30, 2006 5:48:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Hey, all of your tourists survived. Not bad at all.

Friday, June 30, 2006 7:52:00 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

That was pretty cool."Das good".

Sunday, July 02, 2006 5:39:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home