Last Gladiator Standing: and the winner is...
The challenge has been cast. The gauntlet thrown down. Many have been called, few have answered. On the planet Hacknor... On Fire Island D, twelve brave contestants will compete.
Two remain, but there can be only one.
Who will falter? Who will thrive? Who will be
This is it folks. The votes are all in and we have ourselves a winner.
And we'll let you know who it is right after these messages.
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We're back. Let's get right to the winner. The last two contestants are Local Henchman and Erifia Apoc. I think that we can all agree that everyone's a little surprised that these two made it to this level, but we're all very proud of them.
Let's take a closer look at them shall we? Here's the wild Jedi herself:
I smiled at it, and it threw its saber at me. I grabbed it with my own control of the force and tossed the saber far into the air, and when it threw the second one, I knew it was toast, because I threw it away again. "You seem like a good droid, I hate to kill you." With a midsection slice, and a thrust with my upper saber, the droid exploded into tiny bits.
"I don't know you, I'm afraid," I said.
"I am The Magnificant Becca. I have chosen you."
"No, it doesn't work like that, I pick you."
"No, I'm afraid I have chosen you. You should really start listening to everything that gets said."
"So, what's your catch phrase."
"I don't know."
"You're supposed to have one."
"Right, 'I don't know.'"
"No, see you are supposed to know, you have to have a catch phrase or I fail."
"Right, 'I don't know.'"
Decapodians, filthy nasty creatures. There are remains of food, and solient green, and force knows what else. Like there was a full buffet tossed over, and they were still eating... I rubbed my chin... Maybe this could be easier than I thought...
"Hey," I said to their leader, "I have a deal for you... I will give you and your people fifty bags of wookie hair, fleas and ticks, if you eat everything around you, and make it sparkle."
Erifia Apoc everybody, give her a hand. We'll show you Henchy next. Right after these messages.
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We're back. Let's show you a little something about our Local Henchman. He may be a nobody in a nameless, faceless legion, but he's number one in our hearts:
Ladies and Gents,
The Hover bike race was about to start and I had 2 problems; The map looked like a kid threw up on a paper towel and the bike that Jon provided stunk.
HHhmmm....I called up The Hacknor Home Shopping Network and they delivered this:
Sweet, isn't it.
Hudson asked how I could afford it, I handed back his credit card. (He was still putting money on it) and said "thanks".
432: Right, as we see Ignignokt and Err or in the ring. Stewie is running down the ram.
M.G.: Oh my god. He's taking them both on, Stewie is a house on fire.
432: Look at him go. I've heard Stewie was an expert at 2 on 1, but thought that ment something different.
M.G.: This type of action is only on Hacknor World Wrestling.
432: Oh no the numbers game has caught up to Stewie.
M.G.: They are giving Stewie a savage beating.
432: Wait a minute, wait a minute...here comes Brian.Here comes Brian.
M.G.: Oh no, this is unbelievable. Brian is just standing there.
432: I never thought this would happen. Wait...wait. Oh no Brian hits Stewie.Brian hits Stewie.
M.G.: what a betrayal.
432: This is the greatest crime in the history of mankind.
M.G. I concur.Wait what's this...Stewie is up. Stewie is up...
432: Wow, this guy is amazing. He really giving it to Brian.
Bane pumps up the Venom "This is a new mix, to make me even stronger."
" I don't care."
Lighting cracks the sky.
We storm towards each other.
Bane tries to get a grip, I twist his wrist to the outside. I follow with a clothesline.
I let him get up.
"Very good. You know how to fight." He say as he pumps more venom into his system.
It doesn't help.
I hit Bane with everything; Punches, kicks, open hand, closed fists, elbows,knees and the ground.
As I clutch his neck. I beat his face to a purple mess. To hell with Jon's rules. I am going to kill him.
How about that? The Local Henchman, everyone. We'll let you know who the winner is right after this important commercial message. Hey don't blame me, I'm just satirizing all the other reality shows!
Coming soon to a telemonitor near you.
One's a living, sentient starship...
The other's a wacky monkeyboy!
Together, they're Sargon and Mojo. Traveling the spaceways together!
"Mojo, you got banana sauce in my environmental control register again."
"Did I do that?"
"Oh brother, not again!"
(ha ha ha ha)
That's right, every week is an exciting new adventure featuring Hacknor's favorite odd couple.
"What's this for?"
"Wait, Mojo don't---"
(ha ha ha ha ha)
They're two fish out of water -- in space!
"Sargon, you my bestest fwend foh ever and ever."
"Mojo, you my bestest fwend, too."
Sargon and Mojo -- premiering this fall!
Henchy, Erifia, this is it.
The moment, the magic, the time to let you know who the winner is.
And we'll let you know right after these messages -- I'm just kidding!
The winner of the competition and a signed copy of Tales of the Unexpected is
None other than....
The person I am naming below...
...Before I tell you who the winner is, I just wanted to take a moment to thank Simon for agreeing to be a judge for the whole contest.
Simon was created when I asked one of the character bloggers to be a judge. He (or she) didn't want to participate in the game itself because she (or he) didn't think that he (or she) had enough time for it. So Simon was created to be a full-time judge which, ironically, was probably more work than being a contestant would have been.
As a token of thanks, I would like to also send a signed copy of the book to Simon.
Thanks Simon, you snarky priss.
And so, without further ado.
The winner of Last Gladiator Standing is...
The person below...
Whose name is...
Erifia Apoc you are the Last Gladiator Standing. Congratulations.
You win the book, a free supply of Hovercycle Wax, and dinner for you and Private Hudson at the Hacknor Season's Hotel.