Friday, September 01, 2006

Last Gladiator Standing: and the winner is...

The challenge has been cast. The gauntlet thrown down. Many have been called, few have answered. On the planet Hacknor... On Fire Island D, twelve brave contestants will compete.
Two remain, but there can be only one.
Who will falter? Who will thrive? Who will be

This is it folks. The votes are all in and we have ourselves a winner.

And we'll let you know who it is right after these messages.

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We're back. Let's get right to the winner. The last two contestants are Local Henchman and Erifia Apoc. I think that we can all agree that everyone's a little surprised that these two made it to this level, but we're all very proud of them.

Let's take a closer look at them shall we? Here's the wild Jedi herself:

I smiled at it, and it threw its saber at me. I grabbed it with my own control of the force and tossed the saber far into the air, and when it threw the second one, I knew it was toast, because I threw it away again. "You seem like a good droid, I hate to kill you." With a midsection slice, and a thrust with my upper saber, the droid exploded into tiny bits.

"I don't know you, I'm afraid," I said.

"I am The Magnificant Becca. I have chosen you."

"No, it doesn't work like that, I pick you."

"No, I'm afraid I have chosen you. You should really start listening to everything that gets said."

"So, what's your catch phrase."

"I don't know."

"You're supposed to have one."

"Right, 'I don't know.'"

"No, see you are supposed to know, you have to have a catch phrase or I fail."

"Right, 'I don't know.'"

Decapodians, filthy nasty creatures. There are remains of food, and solient green, and force knows what else. Like there was a full buffet tossed over, and they were still eating... I rubbed my chin... Maybe this could be easier than I thought...

"Hey," I said to their leader, "I have a deal for you... I will give you and your people fifty bags of wookie hair, fleas and ticks, if you eat everything around you, and make it sparkle."

Erifia Apoc everybody, give her a hand. We'll show you Henchy next. Right after these messages.

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We're back. Let's show you a little something about our Local Henchman. He may be a nobody in a nameless, faceless legion, but he's number one in our hearts:

Ladies and Gents,

The Hover bike race was about to start and I had 2 problems; The map looked like a kid threw up on a paper towel and the bike that Jon provided stunk.

HHhmmm....I called up The Hacknor Home Shopping Network and they delivered this:

Sweet, isn't it.

Hudson asked how I could afford it, I handed back his credit card. (He was still putting money on it) and said "thanks".

432: Right, as we see Ignignokt and Err or in the ring. Stewie is running down the ram.

M.G.: Oh my god. He's taking them both on, Stewie is a house on fire.

432: Look at him go. I've heard Stewie was an expert at 2 on 1, but thought that ment something different.

M.G.: This type of action is only on Hacknor World Wrestling.

Hacknor World Wresting get the gladiator out.

432: Oh no the numbers game has caught up to Stewie.

M.G.: They are giving Stewie a savage beating.

432: Wait a minute, wait a comes Brian.Here comes Brian.

M.G.: Oh no, this is unbelievable. Brian is just standing there.

432: I never thought this would happen. Wait...wait. Oh no Brian hits Stewie.Brian hits Stewie.

M.G.: what a betrayal.

432: This is the greatest crime in the history of mankind.

M.G. I concur.Wait what's this...Stewie is up. Stewie is up...

432: Wow, this guy is amazing. He really giving it to Brian.

Bane pumps up the Venom "This is a new mix, to make me even stronger."

" I don't care."

Lighting cracks the sky.

We storm towards each other.

Bane tries to get a grip, I twist his wrist to the outside. I follow with a clothesline.

I let him get up.

"Very good. You know how to fight." He say as he pumps more venom into his system.

He grows.

It doesn't help.

I hit Bane with everything; Punches, kicks, open hand, closed fists, elbows,knees and the ground.

As I clutch his neck. I beat his face to a purple mess. To hell with Jon's rules. I am going to kill him.

How about that? The Local Henchman, everyone. We'll let you know who the winner is right after this important commercial message. Hey don't blame me, I'm just satirizing all the other reality shows!

Coming soon to a telemonitor near you.

One's a living, sentient starship...
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The other's a wacky monkeyboy!

Together, they're Sargon and Mojo. Traveling the spaceways together!

"Mojo, you got banana sauce in my environmental control register again."

"Did I do that?"

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"What's this for?"

"Wait, Mojo don't---"


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They're two fish out of water -- in space!

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"Mojo, you my bestest fwend, too."


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OK everybody, we're back. I know this is the moment that we've all been waiting for.

Henchy, Erifia, this is it.

The moment, the magic, the time to let you know who the winner is.

And we'll let you know right after these messages -- I'm just kidding!

The winner of the competition and a signed copy of Tales of the Unexpected is

None other than....

The person I am naming below...

Who is...

...Before I tell you who the winner is, I just wanted to take a moment to thank Simon for agreeing to be a judge for the whole contest.

Simon was created when I asked one of the character bloggers to be a judge. He (or she) didn't want to participate in the game itself because she (or he) didn't think that he (or she) had enough time for it. So Simon was created to be a full-time judge which, ironically, was probably more work than being a contestant would have been.

As a token of thanks, I would like to also send a signed copy of the book to Simon.

Thanks Simon, you snarky priss.

And so, without further ado.

The winner of Last Gladiator Standing is...

The person below...

Whose name is...

Erifia Apoc you are the Last Gladiator Standing. Congratulations.

You win the book, a free supply of Hovercycle Wax, and dinner for you and Private Hudson at the Hacknor Season's Hotel.


Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

... You can't be serious. This isn't like some amazing joke played by the whole universe on me... Is it? Jon don't play with me....

Like... I won? *Breaths deeper* Permission to Squeal?

Friday, September 01, 2006 6:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aw crap !! She has to have dinner with hudson ?

I thought you said she was the winner !

Friday, September 01, 2006 7:35:00 PM  
Blogger Ace, the Bat Hound. said...


Friday, September 01, 2006 7:41:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...



Well played, Erifia, well played.

Friday, September 01, 2006 7:44:00 PM  
Anonymous puppylover said...

NOOOOOOOO!!!!! how could it be. I used the power of puppies!!!!!!

Friday, September 01, 2006 8:34:00 PM  
Blogger Gaia said...


C'mon people, give it up for Erifia!




*thunderous applause*

Friday, September 01, 2006 9:30:00 PM  
Blogger Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Congrats! *claps*

Friday, September 01, 2006 10:01:00 PM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

Thanks everyone. I put a list of thank yous on my blog.

Friday, September 01, 2006 10:33:00 PM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

What's up with that? Dinner with Hudson? I figured you'd make Henchy eat with him as a consolation prize.

Congratulations Erifia....

Friday, September 01, 2006 10:48:00 PM  
Blogger Skywalker said...

Yo, you go, girl!

Friday, September 01, 2006 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger Master Obi-Wan said...


Friday, September 01, 2006 11:21:00 PM  
Blogger Private Hudson said...

Oh yeah, this is gonna be sweet.

*combs hair with a fork*

Saturday, September 02, 2006 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Well done Erifia. You deserve to be the top!

Saturday, September 02, 2006 8:17:00 AM  
Blogger Vegeta said...


Saturday, September 02, 2006 9:02:00 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Congrats, I feel well played .... i mean I feel you played well.

Saturday, September 02, 2006 9:42:00 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

Clapping is insufficient! I shall commission the royal engineering corps to create some kind of supersonic auto-clapping engine!

It will be 6.02x10^23 better than non-Avogadro clapping.

Saturday, September 02, 2006 3:47:00 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Congrats Erifia!!!

And LOL at the Essential Palpatine

Sunday, September 03, 2006 2:41:00 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

*OOC* Sorry I was a away for the Labor Day week.

Well Done Erifia,

You rule.

Monday, September 04, 2006 1:08:00 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

Well done, Erifia!! I had a feeling you would win :D


Monday, September 04, 2006 10:08:00 PM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

Thanks everyone. It means a lot.

Monday, September 04, 2006 11:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Gladiator Games Online said...

Good post

Saturday, January 23, 2010 11:44:00 PM  

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