Thursday, June 08, 2006

Challenge #4

The challenge has been cast. The gauntlet thrown down. Many have been called, few have answered. On the planet Hacknor... On Fire Island D, twelve brave contestants will compete. Who will falter? Who will thrive? Who will be

Jon: Good morning gladiators. Are you ready for the next challenge?

AOC: I'm fired up. I'm ready.

Henchman: Yeah! Me too!

Jon: Let me show you your challenge. Into the looking glass, people.

[The wall slides away, revealing a one-way mirror. The contestants peer through the glass so see what is in there.]

Captain Picard: My God, it's --

Professor X: It's awful!

Magdalena: It's terrible!

Aayla: It's horrifying!

Deadpool: Hey, they're kind of cute.

Jon: That's right, they're sidekicks!

[Within the room, the contestants can see obnoxious Monkeyboys, sass-talking robots, youthful doe-eyed wards in shortpants, know-it-all maids, anthropomorphic critters, lazy stereotypes and other sidekick hopefuls. Gleefully, the colorful characters looked around knowing that soon they may have a hero to call "buauuuusssss."]

Deadpool: I killed, er, my last sidekick died...

Vegeta: I guess a lot of them die.

AOC [to Henchman]: Aren't you a sidekick?

Henchman: No, I'm a Henchman. A Henchman!

Jon: Like the last challenge, the winning contestant will gain immunity for his or her entire team.

Gyrobo: Immunity from the Purple Plague of Praxis?

Jon: Ah no, the –

Gyrobo: The Green Gout of Gamorah?

Jon: No, from the –

Gyrobo: The Screeching Scones of Sector 7?

Jon: No! Immunity from being voted off the show this round.

Gyrobo: Oh yes. That does make sense.

Captain Picard: So we just go in there and grab a sidekick? That sounds easy enough.

Jon: There’s a little more to it than that. Sidekicks are a…. special… bunch. It isn’t so much that you pick them; it’s more how they pick you. I guarantee, though, each one has its own obnoxious character traits, including a catchphrase.

Professor X: Catchphrase?

Vegeta: Aye carumba!

Jon: Exactly! Oh, and one more thing, there will be a special guest judge for this round as well. Let me introduce the Jedi who knows sidekicks because for many, many (many) years fought being labeled as one. Master Yoda everybody!

Yoda: Thank you. Glad to be here, I am.

Jon: So, Master Yoda, how are things going?

Yoda: Not so well, afraid I am. Dark times it is. Taken control of my galaxy Palpatine has. Destroyed most of the Jedi he also has. Forced into hiding until defeat him and Vader I have been.

Jon: Ah, so you're hiding out at your condo on Dagobah?

Yoda: Shhh, give up my hiding spot do not! To defeat him, train the son of Skywalker at- uh- my secret location I will. Complete the circle it will, as well as create a saga of myth and excitement.

Jon: That sounds great, just try not to ruin it with midgets in cheap teddy bear costumes.

Yoda: Boy, telling me you are!


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

I dread to think who I'll end up with.

Friday, June 09, 2006 11:16:00 AM  

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