Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A famous fight of the ages; Erifia Apoc's Commentary

I had to call up a couple old teachers for this. When I was younger, I was the only one in their class, and thankfully I turned out okay... It was the "Future of your Personality" class. I remember the class well.

"Boy are you pretty..." Said one of my professors.
"Pretty ugly!"
They both began to laugh together.

I wanted to cry.

"Now she wants to cry."
"We've seen better acting done by Leonardo d'Caprio."

I pouted my lip...

Needless to say, the year with Proffessor Statler and Proffessor Waldorf opened my eyes to how much the world actually sucked, and how much fun it would be to sit back and make fun of them. They agreed instantly to help, they somehow, actually liked me over the course of that year... I think it was the final examine when I made all the younglings cry at their play. (Not my fault, all I told them was I had seen better acting done by Jessica Simpson, I think even at that age they recongized a bad actress, ha!)

They arrived within the hour, and I had to build them a balcony to sit in, so they would commentate with me.

"Hey Erifia, can you see us?" Statler said through his mic.
Waldorf covered his, "Cause we don't want to see you."

"Yes, I can see you guys fine, my eyes still are burning," I said.

Together we all laughed.

"Erifia, is that Simon wanna be us Cowell sitting over there?"

"I think so... Yes, actually it is."

"Ha!" And that's all they said.

"Okay boys, we got a good show for them tonight." I said

"It can't be that good." Waldorf said
"You're on it Erifia." Statler finished

"True but it has two famous combatants who have fought countless duels and want a grudge match for tonight. Kim Possible vs. Shego."

"They are doing the old stare down technique I've used it many times in battle, its all about who lowers their guard a little first."

"I've not been this bored since I last saw Lost in Translation," Waldorf said waking up.

"Oh, and they come out swinging! This is amazing, I'm not sure I could have such an explosive start, unless I had my saber."

"That's nothing!"
"Give us some beans! We'll show you explosive."

"I'd like you to notice Shego's glowing hands. She gained these powers from a magic-rainbow-colored meteor that struck her tree-house when she was little. Believe it or not, Kim started to learn to fight from Cheerleading practice," I explained.

"Give her blonde hair and that sidekick of hers, with that little rat, and it becomes..."
"A blonde-tourage! Ha!"

"That's true, I'm actually favoring Shego in this fight... Because honestly, Kim is just a cheerleader, what's she going to do, put spirit into Shego. For real."

"Whoa! I hadn't seen such a cheap kick, since we saw that Mortal Kombat movie..."
"Boy was that cheap... But not as cheap as this theater, way to go Jon."
"He's an intergalatic gladiator you know?"
"So what's that mean?"
"Nothing! Ha!"

"uhm... guys..." I said, "Let's not insult the host, he could make my life miserable..."

"You live your life, how much more miserable can it get?" Statler yelled.

"And believe it or not, Shego recovered from that cheap kick, and came back with an almost five point palm exploding heart technique, but Kim countered, and look at Shego! Wow... They are in a grapple now..."


"And there is a toss! Wow! Kim's in Shego's grasp."

"Wait... So what you're saying is the hero is losing?"
"To the sidekick of the villain?"
"This might actually go somewhere afterall."
"Right to the B rate fights list!"

"Shego has her, it could end Kim's career! What's she doing? How dumb can you get?"

"I don't know..." Woldorf replied.
"She could become you!" Statler finished.

"Or she could look at one of you," I replied, "Shego is backing off, wait! No... She's destroying the walkway... Kim is falling, and Shego is jumping... Apparently there is some sort of helicopter coming in... and Shego's on the rope ladder, and Kim has hit the ground..."

"Just like this shows ratings."
"With characters like Erifia Apoc, how can Jon expect to get anyone watching."

"Now they are doing the classic defeat and staredown scenario. Kim Possible in theory has lost to Shego, but Shego ran away from combat... The judges are deciding... And... It looks like Since Shego dealt the most damage, she has won..."

"Won what? Most typical fight ever?"
"Or shortest fight ever? That was only six pictures..."
"They can do better than that..."
"No they can't, they are drawn by disney!"

"Ha!" We all laughed together.

I spoke, "Thanks for watching this colossal match, I'd also like to thank my old professors Statler and Waldorf. They made things interesting."

"Somebody had to!" They screamed together.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to get these two guys home..."

"Hugs (because she is so typical)" Statler said.
"And Kisses (because she uses this gag everywhere)" Waldorf said.
"Erifia (I'm a doofus) Apoc." They said together.


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Someone ought to sign up Stadler & Waldorf as fight commentators.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 11:52:00 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Sign them up... for the competition!

Oh ho ho ho ho!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 12:37:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

I loved those guys! I remember why they use to swing by the clone training. "aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper." "look out it's an Ewok", "I've seen better shooting from a blind, legless guy at a slam dunk event"

Oh the love they showed to us.

By the way, where is their room. I've got a present for them. *sets blaster to really bad stun*

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

I heard Statler and Waldorf are based on actual critics who lived in the 17th century court of Russian czar Michail Khuchmarav.

Or am I lying?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 9:16:00 AM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

I know they are named after old New York hotels.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 3:21:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Now those two would make excellent fight commentators. All they would do is insult the players. That would be a great show.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 10:29:00 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

I love Statler and Waldorf.

Thank you so much.


Thursday, July 20, 2006 12:57:00 AM  

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