Monday, August 07, 2006

AOC: Some Like It Hot

The last 3 days have been a disaster. Every time I leave the room several of the crew are there to follow me around. Hudson keeps asking me out. I can’t seem to get use to the outfit the LGS wardrobe department gave me. I need someone to help me through this, but whom? I could call the Lt. Cmdr. Nooo, bad idea. It bad enough she might see me on the Holo like this.

But who can I call? Who Who Who?

I finally make a call.

Hello.” Says a familiar voice

djkav2

Hey Jedi Kriss, how you doing? It’s me TK-266” I start

Kriss looks confused “What??? Is this some kind of a joke? Who the heck are you really?”

Dang it, even people I know don’t watch this crappy show. “No really it is me TK-266. Jon switched all our genders this week. We are supposed to live like this for a whole week. I’m freaking big time already. Do you know how hard it is to uses a urinal without a, uhhh … you know …. Guy parts.” I snap out in an exasperated voice.

By the force, you’re not joking are you? Quick, what does Skywalker call you when he can’t remember your name?” Kriss asks

I sigh “Earl, the hair care product loving fool calls me Earl!”

Jumping Sithspit, you are TK-266! I have to say I like you better as a guy and only wearing a feather.” Kriss says with shock

Not helping. Come on I need the advice to help me.”

Okay okay, don’t get a hysterical on me ha ha ha ha. No really what other problems are you having other than the peeing issues, which can be solved by sitting down.”

Well the biggest problem is the body itself. I keep … uhh this is embarrassing … I keep looking at it … a lot. I smashed all the mirrors to stop me from doing that, but I think it is still going to be a problem.”

What the problem Tak, it not like you have never seen a naked women before … oh spit you haven’t have you. Muhahahahahaha Muhahahahahaha.”

Let me remind you again: NOT HELPING.”

Dark Jedi Kriss stops laughing and wipes a tear from her eye. “Ok I try to be helpful. The body issue, just try to ignore it the best you can. Splash cold water on you face, slap you self, just show some self control. Ok what other problems

Well the outfit thing is a problem, my own clothes don’t fit and LGS wardrobe gave me a bunch of outfits.”

Try them on and let me give you some help on what to wear.”

female trooper teddy

Damn it Tak, What are you wearing that for?”

The wardrobe people said it was common outfit. Maggie and Erifa wear something similar. Is that a problem?”

Damn Skippy there is, first you can’t wear that out in public and second… Oh my force did you wax!??!?!!? Why?”

Uhh, yeah. It makes me feel pretty. Hey, by the way do you know how much a Brazilian wax job hurts?”

TMI, Tak TMI LALALALALA I’m not listening!!! Just change into something else.”

Ok what about this. What do you think?"

female trooper

Better but I don’t like the exposed area in case someone shoots at you, cover that mid drift.”

How about this one? Better?”

femal storm trooper heels

Kriss exasperatedly “Tak, WHY ARE YOU WEARING HEELS? I don’t think so. And remember that you are going to have to deal with Hudson all week.”

Ahh junk, I didn’t even think of that. I need more protection.

Just pan the closet and see what we can come up with.” Kriss suggest.

Ok. Good. Get the blue pants. Yes and the helmet. Do you have any paint? You might have to use some of your armor. And don’t forget the MP5 pulse rifle. Ok here is what you do ….”

Several hours later.

female swat

So what do you think? It doesn’t make me look fat does it?”

Kriss sighs “Well other then the lipstick, which I still can’t believe you choose to wear, I think it might work. Good luck.”

No problem. I’ll treat the rest of the week like a mission on a hostile planet and shoot anything that moves to close to me. MP5 blaster set on maximum stun. Off to the bar to see how The Henchman is doing. And I hate to say this, but he has great looking butt this week.

16 Comments:

Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Those heels were hilarious! They must get in the way of chasing down rebel scum though.

Monday, August 07, 2006 5:44:00 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

Not so fast- if you've got a good enough arm, you can impale a rebel with a heel at fifty feet.

We've conducted several tests to verify this.

Monday, August 07, 2006 7:18:00 PM  
Blogger Skywalker said...

Why Earl you are hot! *slap himself* Sith Spit did I just say that? Oh, good- *slaps himself again*

Monday, August 07, 2006 9:45:00 PM  
Blogger Dark Jedi Kriss said...

*falls off her chair*
Well, you do look very pretty. Don't forget, we have girl's night out this wed. And yes, you can wear the heels. But not the teddy. *winks*

Monday, August 07, 2006 9:47:00 PM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

Tak, you do look pretty, no worries.

Monday, August 07, 2006 9:55:00 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Can Lin borrow the midriff armour.

With the stilettos.

Thanks

Koma

Monday, August 07, 2006 10:45:00 PM  
Blogger Darth Nepharia said...

OMG! I bet you COULD kill someone with those heels. LOL!

Monday, August 07, 2006 11:13:00 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

I thought you'd do more damage in that first outfit. But what ever make you fell comfortable;)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 7:49:00 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Those heels could be a problem; who knows? They might be part of the new official uniform.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:05:00 PM  
Blogger Jaina Solo said...

Has Hudson not been turned into a girl as well? I would have liked to see that.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 1:05:00 PM  
Blogger Jaina Solo said...

Oh, and you look pretty good Tak.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 1:06:00 PM  
Blogger whoami123 said...

.

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.
As soon as we acknowledge
this Supreme Designer/Architect,
Who has erected the beauteous
fabric of the universe, our minds
must necessarily be ravished with
wonder at this infinate goodness,
wisdom and power.

Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
Dr. Whoami

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 3:47:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

let me be the first to say to the good mr. whoami, WTF man, WTF.

Thanks for the Ecclesiastes 3:1 quote. Also glad you let us know how to respond if someone calls us an animal. last but not least thanks for letting us know about Terry Teachout's view on the blogging community.

Just a note, it is considered common courtesy to be at least vaguely be on point when posting a comment, other wise it just look like a Fracking Slpog hit.

Again thank you Whoami. Good Day!!

now I am off to simi-splog your site.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 5:18:00 PM  
Blogger Florence said...

Francis sure is preachy aint he.

AOC you scored a smack down. I hope you slpogged him good!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 3:55:00 AM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

Would you stop checking my butt out.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 7:18:00 PM  
Blogger Magdalena said...

all I have to say Tak is Epilators work better and the last is gone longer

try the philips satin ice

and you look great love the armour

oh and last thought jon 1 week isnt long enough (needs to be at least 28 days ;)for any man to truely get a woman

Thursday, August 10, 2006 8:54:00 AM  

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