Saturday, August 05, 2006

What the frell?

Let’s begin with what I was… That’s always the best place to start… I think… *There is a pause*... Yeah! We should always start in the beginning. So, what was I getting at? Right? Dude, you’ve got no idea, I was a hot chick! I mean like smoking… I’ve got a small picture… Here look…

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

See? Dude… Smokin’. This is what I look like, I’m not bad I don’t think…

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Right… Now we’ve got that straightened out, I remember rage… Yes… Rage. Lots of rage. Right. So check-it. I’m (as a chick) gathering with the other guys for the next challenge. Jon is talking about something, I’m not really paying attention to him, then he blasts us with some ray thing… There was a cross instance when I was so angry, that that’s all I can remember.

But then I kind of looked around, and realized the room had three other chicks in it, and I was good to go… Then I realized what I was wearing. A Twi’lek Chick Dancer’s Outfit. So rather then let the chicks see me, I ran to an abandoned room, and found a red shirt, and I rushed to the next room, and I found a pair of blueish pants, that were built for someone, way muscular than I was.

So, after I rectified my mistake, I rushed back to the ladies, and found they were gone. I sighed. “Aww Man… That’s not cool…”

After that; I didn’t really have anything planned so I went and grabbed a beer, and I sat down to a television, and watched the Blurnsball game on the Intergalatic Channel. (It was the only channel we could get in.)

I drank another beer, and another beer, and another beer, and another beer, and another beer. And needless to say, I got drunk, but don’t judge! Don’t Judge! Don’t knock it until you tried it…

I woke up that morning, and I was surrounded by cheeto bags, and crushed cans of beer. I walked by it, and went to the bathroom, I skipped brushing my teeth, who was I trying to impress?

Next on my busy agenda was the free breakfast LGS provided to all of its contestants, no-one was there, there was lots of sausage, and bacon, so I grabbed a ton of that, and only a little eggs, I got some pancakes and smothered them in syrup, and then I got some toast, and made some egg-muffin sandwhiches which had tons of sausage on them, I love sausage.

After breakfast, I sat down in front of the TV, and some of the kid-gladiator cartoons were on, like, “Jon Gladiator, of Star Command” and “Scooby-Jon, Where are you?” and also “Jon and Huddy”. All of which starred Jon. The last one was Jon chasing Hudson around his house, there was senseless violence with frying pans, and everything. I enjoyed it.

At lunch, I went down to the free lunch, and ate hamburgers, chili-dogs, and plenty of French-fries. I devoured six or seven plates of each, and went upstairs, and sat down, the “Jon Gladdy” show was coming on, it was about Jon trying to survive in Cleveland as a man stuck in the same place in his company, and then the, “Coliseum Improvement” which once again starred Jon as a man who ran a show that showed people how to use ACME tools to improve their coliseum, but it more included his home life, whatever… Only chicks would notice crap like that… I like when he blows stuff up.

At Dinner, they were serving steak and potatoes, or Salad and fruit. What a stupid choice, I grabbed the steak and taters, and went upstairs. Tonight? The Miss Gladiator contest. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I smothered the steak in hot-bbq sauce, and I devoured the potatoes.

The Miss Gladiators were all beautiful and sexy… I’d have liked to… You know. *Wink*. Anyway, after the Miss Gladiator ended, and directly next came on another Blurnsball game, so I went and grabbed a beer, and repeated the process of last night.

I did that, for a whole week. Not going to lie to you. I had nothing better to do, so I sat around, ate and watched TV. Even when someone (I forget who) said something (I forget what) about doing some menial task, I ignored them. Then whoever it was asked again, and this time I heard them, but pretended not to hear them.

*There is a weird popping sound, and juicy sound, and Male Erifia becomes Female Erifia.*

I lifted the collar of the red shirt and looked down.

“Thank the force!”

That was the most pointless week of my whole life, if I was me and not him, oh boy… Oh boy. I rushed to my clothes, and I put on a clean twi’lek dancer’s outfit… I took a deep breath, and looked at the mounds of beer cans, and paper plates, and used cheeto bags. I collected them all, and threw them all away.

I vacuumed, I sterilized, and I shut off that stupid television!

I knew what I had to do… I snuck into the place where Jon kept that ray, and I went to his office. Once inside he looked very scared.

“Just so you know… I was aware of what he was doing the whole time!”

I set the ray to hour, and shot him with it. I then threw it on her desk.

“Deal Jonya… Deal.”

If you’ll excuse me, I need to go cleanse my soul and body at the all you can eat buffet,

(Creepy-Man-Hugs and Stubly-Kisses,
Erif Apoc)


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

I smiled a lot at that one!

Sunday, August 06, 2006 4:27:00 AM  
Blogger Florence said...

I really feel for you. Imagine the all the poor brain cells that died in that one week. Its criminal! You should sue or something.

Sunday, August 06, 2006 4:54:00 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

So you turned into a redneck? Must have been the shirt.

Sunday, August 06, 2006 8:32:00 AM  
Blogger Vegeta said...

It definatley wasn't my pants

Sunday, August 06, 2006 9:28:00 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

*looks up from the TV and puts down the beer and cheetos* I find your idea of how men think shallow and .... Ohhhh boobies on the TV, talk to you later.

Sunday, August 06, 2006 4:06:00 PM  
Blogger Cyclops said...


heh, heh

Sunday, August 06, 2006 6:21:00 PM  
Blogger Karl the Sorcerer said...

Hold on!

There's an alternative to steak and taters?!

The wizarding council should have informed me, regardless of the consequences!

Sunday, August 06, 2006 7:12:00 PM  
Blogger captain koma said...

Well thats an intresting look into the male psyche. It made me chuckle. It was way too true.

Ha I reckon your gonna win.


Monday, August 07, 2006 2:39:00 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Well I'm glad you don't have a vote!

Monday, August 07, 2006 6:53:00 AM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

You used me.

Thursday, August 10, 2006 9:23:00 AM  

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