Monday, May 15, 2006

AOC: Droid Attacks

So you have programmed the droid with the style I requested?”

Jon looked at me “You mean the Robot…Yes, and I will say again it is a stupid request. I mean come on are you seriously going to do it this way!”

“If you don’t like it, don’t let me do it this way. But I will remind you that it is your lax rules that have given me this option.”

“What are you a lawyer or something, geesh. Yeah you can go through with your very stupid plan.” Jon growled as he went away mutter something under his breath about needing better contestants.
_______________________________________________________

I step into the arena. The crowd goes wild (in my head).


My droid opponent enters and waves to the crowd. (What is it doing waving?)

We approach each other warily and face off at 10 feet. I roll my head. The droid copies me.


I stretch my arms in front of me, intertwining my finger and cracking my knuckles. The droid copies me.

We both drop into a stance, eyeing each other.

*MUSIC BLARES* (Maul & Dukoo music factory’s “Everybody Dance Now”)

I jump right into a Jaun Trevelta disco routine.



The droid matches my steps.

I drop the ground and begin to do The Worm, break-dance style.
The droid follows my every move.

The music changes to the Gungan Macarena.

“Ahhhh, Macarena”

The droid keeps up with me with out a problem. As it crosses it arms it hits the first sensor and shuts down for five seconds.

For the next 5 minutes the music jumps from the Hoth Hustle, The Tattoine Twist, Naboo House Hip-Hop and the Kashyyyk Swing. This droid is unstoppable. I begin to sweat. The crowd is beginning to Boo and Hiss (Really, it just Fred and Boots)

The music changes again to some Old School Jedi rap (Mace Windu and Master Yoda in the Overthehill Gang doing "Jedi Rapper’s Delight”)

For the first time the droid seems a little confused. I dance closer, doing the Robot, and yell out “Pop & Lock, Fool, Pop & Lock”

The droid begins to pop & lock. I dance up close to the droid, reach out like I am going to connect with its hand in a pop & lock wave, but then tap the second sensor. The droid shut down again, giving me a moment to rest.

As the droid come back the music changes to a type of music I looked up from Jon’s home planet (Dirt or Mud or something like that): Bavarian Polka booms from the speakers.

I begin to perform a jaunty folk dance, going up to the droid and slapping it on the face, then slapping my arms, legs and chest. The droid dances up to me and slaps (more like bi*** slaps me) to the ground, then slaps its arms, legs…and shuts down again, for the final time, after hitting its third sensor.

I leap off the ground and throw my hands in the air in a "raise the roof" moment. The crowd goes wild for real this time.

You Suck”…”Go back to Cosuscant”…. "What kind of Cr@P is this. I paid for these seats, you ******”… "Here’s you bat back you freak

A wiffel ball bat bounces off my armor. I bow to the crowd and head back to the lockers.

15 Comments:

Blogger Professor Xavier said...

lol! That was really quite entertaining. I don't know what all the booing was about. I for one enjoyed the dance-off.

Monday, May 15, 2006 5:03:00 PM  
Blogger Fred the Fox said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Monday, May 15, 2006 5:07:00 PM  
Blogger Fred the Fox said...

“You Suck”…”Go back to Cosuscant”…. "What kind of Cr@P is this. I paid for these seats, you ******”… "Here’s you bat back you freak”

I find it almost insulting that you would even suggest that someone with the caliber such of myself would ever even think about shouting such profanities.I will now kindly ask for an apology.


....Besides, we all know it's cats that cuss more than drunken sailors.

Monday, May 15, 2006 5:08:00 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

It's Earth! E-A-R-T-H!

Grrrrrr.

*
Shoves hands in pockets and sulks off*

Monday, May 15, 2006 5:08:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Fred, you’re a little defensive. I only said you and Boots booed and hissed me. I thought those profane comments had come from the paying audience who didn’t appreciate my “fighting” style. I just want to know who threw the wiffle ball bat. That was a stroke of luck for me; someone stole mine last night at the bar.

Monday, May 15, 2006 5:33:00 PM  
Blogger Vegeta said...

I think it's the doughboy he has a potty mouth

Monday, May 15, 2006 6:02:00 PM  
Blogger flu said...

You prolly would've been able to hit the right spot 3 times a lot quicker had you started with - and stuck with - the lambada.

Monday, May 15, 2006 7:09:00 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Well, hmmm *pauses, rests his chin on his hand and taps his lips with his index finger*

Well, it certainly was original, having your droid opponent deactivate himself. But honestly, is that how you all fight? I thought for a moment I'd ended up in some alternative dimension judging a 'You've Been Served' contest. The try-outs to be one of Madonna's backup dancers is three doors down.

Monday, May 15, 2006 7:12:00 PM  
Blogger Magneto said...

Bah! If I had been allowed to participate, I would have destroyed that metallic toadstool in seconds! You were wise to fear Magneto!

Monday, May 15, 2006 8:24:00 PM  
Blogger Karl the Sorcerer said...

Yes, but is it waterproof?

Monday, May 15, 2006 8:38:00 PM  
Blogger Erifia Apoc said...

Not what I expected.

Monday, May 15, 2006 8:49:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Simon: I think the show you were trying to name was 'You Got Served" or the brit TV hit "Are you being served". Don't be a Hater.

Monday, May 15, 2006 8:59:00 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

To give pause to the ocean, that is your ultimate goal.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 7:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very pretty site! Keep working. thnx!
»

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 5:47:00 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

That was sweet Earl!

Thursday, May 18, 2006 7:55:00 AM  

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