Monday, June 12, 2006

Finding A Sidekick- Part 1

“I can’t send you to your fate until you tell me your real name.”

“I told you, it’s Gyrobo. Besides, I’m a robot. Do I look like I have a soul?”

St. Peter thought about that for a moment. He sighed and moved his hands away from the keyboard. This is gonna be one of those days...

“Look buddy, I’ve been judging souls a long time. A very long time. And your name isn’t on file.”

“But I keep telling you, I’m not dead. I just got separated from the tour.”

“My saint-sense tells me you’re lying.”

This was getting me nowhere. How was I supposed to find a spirit (and therefore unbeatable) sidekick if I couldn’t get into the afterlife?

“Look, Pete. Can I call you Pete?”

“I would prefer-”

“You would? That’s great. You see Pete, I’m with the, uh, the Ethereal Regulatory Board.”

“Never heard of it.” His brow furrowed.

“Yeah, well, we’re a pretty new organization. What we do is, um... we go into all the different, you know, the afterlives, and take count of how many souls are there. It’s a census thing.”

He didn’t look like he was buying it.

“We’d gladly give you a fruit basket for your trouble.”

“Even if half of that was true, which I doubt, I still can’t let you go anywhere until you tell me your name.”

“Hey!” came a voice from outside the office. “I’ve been waiting out here for hours! Hurry up!”

“Well I’ve been waiting for days,” came another voice. “You think you’re better than me?!” More joined in, and soon it sounded like a fight was breaking out outside St. Peter’s office.

“There!” he shouted at me as some soul’s head thumped against his door. “You see what you did?!”

“I’m getting tired of this attitude,” I said, standing up. “I want to speak to your manager.”

His eyes started to bug out. I could see a bunch of veins popping out of his head and neck. His palms were outstretched and I could see him cracking his fingers. It was the 1972 Republican National Convention all over again.

“Or, you know, I could come back when things quiet down...”

He grabbed a red phone off his desk and slammed his purple index finger down, quickly dialing a four digit extension. Then he hung up.

“I’m transfering you to someone who can help you, sir.

“That’s better, Pete. My taxes pay your salary.”

A blinding white flash suddenly enveloped me. I felt like I was being pushed in ten thousand different directions... and then I was nowhere.

15 Comments:

Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Well that can't be good.

Monday, June 12, 2006 9:51:00 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

On the other hand, nothingness can be very relaxing.

Monday, June 12, 2006 9:51:00 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

I am everywhere... and nowhere... and also, Kentucky.

Monday, June 12, 2006 10:51:00 AM  
Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Sounds like you have a tricky sidekick there!

Monday, June 12, 2006 11:50:00 AM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

No Gyrobo,you should of made a left. Dental for all.

Dr.Polaris rules.

Monday, June 12, 2006 12:15:00 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo said...

My journey through the afterlife in search of an unbeatable sidekick is quite thrilling.

Behold, for my sidekick will be awesome to behold! And the catchphrase will be physics-tastic.

Monday, June 12, 2006 1:03:00 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I'm going to have to check the rulebook on finding sidekicks in the afterlife.

Although, there's gotta be a lot of them there.

Monday, June 12, 2006 2:20:00 PM  
Blogger Jaina Solo said...

He's sent you into Limbo!!!!!

Monday, June 12, 2006 2:33:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Wait a minute . . there's a rule book? Now I'm in trouble.

Monday, June 12, 2006 3:50:00 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Limbo is a great place to dance, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Monday, June 12, 2006 3:56:00 PM  
Blogger Magdalena said...

you are lucky he didnt dial a 3 -6 digit extention

Monday, June 12, 2006 6:23:00 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Hey on the plus side you can get one of Deadpool's 57 dead sidekicks.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 11:56:00 AM  
Blogger Jo Jo The Monkeyboy's Ghost said...

Psst, hey buddy. I'm over here! Choose me choose me choose me choose me!

Hoooo hoo ho oo hoo hoo hoo ohh hoo hoo ohh hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger Magdalena said...

aww look at the cute moneky boy ghost




not

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 3:02:00 PM  
Blogger Metapirate said...

Sir, I know St. Peter. I've served with St. Peter. St. Peter is a good friend of mine. And robot, you're no St. Peter.

He knows how to spin coins. We lost many a quarter over the edge of the pier that night.

Metapirate away!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 10:33:00 PM  

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