Friday, August 18, 2006

AOC: Two Men Enter, One Man Leave

I am waiting in the green room, watching TV. We drew lot and I get to enter the “Thunder Dome” last. I hear one of the LGS assistances coming down the hall and quickly try to change the channel

TV *… and that is how you make a pear glaze, and that a good thingclickAnd the Henchman is stunned flat on his back. After defeating over 20 opponents with a viciousness not seen here since …”*

The assistance opens the door “Mr. TK 266 you are up next. That was quite a display put on by The Henchman. You must be happy, considering what he said about you.”

Was she being sarcastic? What did I miss? Maybe I should have watched the matches? What the heck would The Henchman said about me? I hope it wasn’t too mean? I don’t know why he would, he a friend right? I hope the competition has not gotten the better of us?

“Mr. TK 266 are you OK, you kind of blanked out there for a minute. We have to go.” The assistance stated.

As I move out towards the Thunder dome, I see The Henchman being carried away on a stretcher. Yikes

As I enter the Dome, the roar of the crowd is almost deafening. The first Gladiator comes running at me. The announcer barks over the P.A system “…and the Yeti makes the first move.”

The Yeti yells at me as he charges “I’ll beat you like a dog for what you did, you little clone freak!!”


Why is this guy called the Yeti, he looks like a Mummy? As the rushes closer, I leap high in the air, flip over his back and grab a piece of this wrapping. The “Yeti” stops and turns to attack me again. I snap the wrapping a hard as I can and the “yeti” spins away from me.

“Looks like your game plan is unraveling!” I call out as the ‘Yeti” hits the end of the wrapping and disappears into dust.

I hear a high squeaky voice from behind me “I hate punks who uses really bad puns.”

I jump forwards, summersault, spin and jump to my feet. I am now facing the worst looking salt and pepper team in the world.


american dream

“Whoa, You guys need to hit Jenny Craig and a Stairmaster.” I exclaimed. Both begin to lumber towards me.

“No one talks to King Mabel that way.” The high voice squeaks.

“The American Dream will tear you apart” hollers the American dream.

“You know, I have heard that about what with the way the economy is going now.” I do a quick forward jump and smack the American Dream in the face and move away from his ponderous punch. “Also don’t use the third person when talking about your self, it is freaking annoying” I say to him.

“Don’t mock the American Dream” He yells at me. I spin kick Mabel in the gut, then leap out of the away of another slow powerful blow.

“Do you mean you or the prospect of buying ones own home?” I reply snarkily. I continue hitting and running.

“Stop …. Gasp …. moving ….wheeze …. so much ….gasp … you little jerk.” Mabel pants at me.

Both are holding their sides and bending over. “Yeah, we need to tear you apart for what you did to …” the American Dream clutches his chest and falls over “I’m … having … a heart attack”

Mabel moves to start CPR on him. When Mabel starts in with the Mouth to Mouth, I head to the door. Man that was easy. These Gladiators don’t seem so tough.

The crowd goes quiet. Too quiet.

I spin around in just enough time to get hit by a huge club. I sail 15 feet across the arena. The crowd goes wild.


The announcer voice booms “And coming out of retirement (or prison if you want to be technical) is Marty the Minotaur…” the crowd roars their approval “… as some fans will remember Marty has that unfortunate incident that cut his career short. But now he is back. What a champion, folks!”

Hot Sith on a spit!! This guy is huge.

He comes running at me, damn, he is fast also. “I am going to smash you to jelly! After the way you treated Missy, you are going to be lucky if you can drink your meals through a straw!”

I roll out of the way from a flurry of club stokes. I manage to get up and run for my life as I yell to the booth “Joooonnnnnnn, THIS GUY IS TRYING TO KILL ME!”

The control booth can’t hear my calls, ok they were yells …. Uhh Ok Ok I admit it, they were screams of terror, like a 4 year old watching a Chucky movie.

I ran past a pile of weapons and grabbed a spear, spun and launched is as hard as I could. Marty caught it with one hand and broke it over his own head. I grab a sword and ran.

I see Missy in Marty’s corner of the Thunder dome.

cute gorgan

“So you’re not such a tough guy now? You seemed pretty brave when you were making Missy cry, you little toad.” Marty’s club whooshes over my head.

I yell back, “Why are you mad at me? She is the one who asked me out?”


While dodging his club and jumping in and out of the piles of junk, I reply “No No I would never even think something like that of such a pretty, intelligent, sexy …”

“Ha!!! So you admit that you were trying to get into her pants.”

*sigh* I may never try dating again. I do a jump/roll to get under Marty to slash at his legs, but he anticipates my move and punts me across the arena. This is starting to get old.

I get up and run as fast as I can. I see Mabel still trying to revive The American Dream.

I hear Marty behind me taunting “My buddy, Bane and the rest of the guys were going to smash you for me, but that Beekeeper got in the way. Kept going on like a teenage girl about how much he looooves you as a friend. Ha Ha Ha Ha. You’ll end up worse then that pathetic Yellow Jacket, when I get you!”

What? The Henchman got the cr@p knocked out of him because of me. Now that’s not right. I get a plan and run right towards Mabel.

Marty is right behind me and gaining. I jump over Mabel, swing the sword and nick him on his backside. As I hit the ground running, Mabel leaps up (spryly for a guy his size) just as Marty begins his jump. His hoof catches Mabel head.

A tumble of bodies rolls across the arena. I turn and jump up on Marty as he fumbles to a stop. I fling the sword at his club hand and begin to pummel him. The fall had stunned him and he doesn’t fight back.

I hear a scream of rage come from Missy and she charges the two of us. Just as she approaches in full medusa fury, I pull up Marty’s head, peel back his eyelid and turn away.


Missy screams again as Marty turns to stone and I run for the door at top speed.

Once out I tell a stunned Jon, “Don’t look at me, I’m not the one who turned him to stone.”

Now where is Hudson’s credit card? I hear the LGS bar calling to Erifa, The Henchman and me.


Blogger Jean-Luc Picard said...

Drinks all round!

Friday, August 18, 2006 12:25:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier said...

Of course since your opponents are gladiators, they might be at the bar too. Not the one you turned to stone of course.

And it was your intention that he be turned to stone, so there's really no way to avoid responsibility for it, Tak.

Friday, August 18, 2006 5:45:00 PM  
Blogger Lt. Cmdr Oneida said...

Yeah, I'm with the professor on this one, Tak.

And wow, your post and Henchy's post made me feel like I was watching some kind of vioent Lifetime channel special. The medusa even looked a little bit like Lifetime channel regualr Kelly Martin. It was all a bit weird and touchy feely.

But I am glad you're still alive

Friday, August 18, 2006 6:09:00 PM  
Blogger NandeHi said...

I loved it! :) you must have some pretty good "moves" aoc.. ;)

Saturday, August 19, 2006 9:27:00 AM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 said...

You kicked @$$.


Ok drinks.

Sunday, August 20, 2006 7:20:00 PM  
Blogger Florence Forrest said...

I don't see how it could have been avoided, someone had to turn to stone, it might as well have been Marty. Gees! What a statue he'll make.

nice work AOC :)

Sunday, August 20, 2006 10:45:00 PM  

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